The concept of Mindwafers was born in a hazy cloud of cannabis smoke and scrupulous rage in the summer of 2009. Some say it had festered all along, but only with the tools of the wonderous world wide web was the voice of the Mindwafer finally given a forum. To Mindwafe is to bring to light social injustice, to rally the apathetic to action, to explore the absurdity and mundane bullshit of life as we know it. Everyone has the ability to Mindwafer. These guys do it professionally.

Some people are lucky enough to go to college, graduate, and get a great job with a great company. Not many of them quit that job to move to Hawaii for no reason in particular. While it certainly is a beautiful place, living on a rock 1/3 the size of Rhode Island 3,000 miles away from the closest significant land mass tends to leave you alone with your thoughts quite a bit - and like a phoenix rising from the volcanic ashes MinDwAferS is born. You're probably excited to hear all these wonderful tales of waterfalls and volcanoes and rainbows and pig roasts and wild sex with hula girls on the beach..... and instead you'll be getting Mike's opinion on "Hipsters" or what he thinks of School Lunch in 2009....lucky you! He has teamed up with long time friend Reece to explain in every way possible Why People Suck. Need some ammunition to attack him personally? Start with making fun of all the things he Hates to Love.

One part Constanzian-quirk, one part bearded retard, Reece has been blessed over the years to have a high end job, a wonderful girlfriend, and the chance to travel the world. Despite all that, he is still a neurotic, whining asshole obessed with Sarah Michelle Gellar and why people are so stupid. Reece started his bitchy ways over at myspace, establishing a cult following to his ridiculous Top Ten lists. At MinDwafers, his insight into Why People Suck and useless movie and TV trivia has garnered him praise from absolutely no one and caused multiple fights with his constantly disappointed friends and girlfriend. One of the most controversial writers on MinDwafers, Reece will stop at nothing to make you laugh, make you visibly uncomfortable and make you question just why you listen to anything he has to say.

For as long as he can remember, B. James was always skeptical towards authority, starting his own resistance front when he was only a first-grader. Caused by James' suspicion that the teacher had been hoarding cookies in the closet and wanting to redistribute the wealth, the young Bobby, with help from 15 boisterous, ADD-addled children, took over the Hard Lock Latin Academy. When Bobby turned six, he struck up a close and lucrative relationship with Fidel Castro, who taught the young lad that Americans smell funny. Bobby never forgot that lesson. He wound up writing for MinDwAferS after realizing that the revolutionary was no longer in demand due to our television and internet obsessed, lackadaisical culture. It also didn't offer health insurance. Bobby signed a two-year contract, only to learn that MinDwafers not only doesn't provide health insurance, but doesn't offer any pay whatsoever.

Unsurprisingly, Pilf led the Student Republicans at Cornley College of Pharmaceuticals, helping to establish a conference entitled, "Africa: America's Guinea Pigs," which caused a sensation when it debuted, earning plaudits from such luminaries as Henry Kissinger, a young and less heart attacky Dick Cheney, former House Majority Leader Dick Armey and former Republican Committee organizer Dick Jhed. These days, Pilf has "had it up to here," with liberals running the media, including his own employer, MinDwAferS. He openly despises the website despite continuing to contribute articles, which have never really been requested. Come to think of it, Pilf was never technically "hired."

When Noah's wife asked her husband "What do you get the man who has everything?" Noah replied, "How about two of everything?" Goldfarb made his first million at age 7, working the shopping mall circuit and winning a record 8,452 spelling bees. To this day, Goldfarb's spelling skills are so astute that he can tell if someone would misspell a word by the way they pronounce it. While it fascinates people, it also caused much aggravation and caused Noah to lose the majority of his friends. But this meant little to Goldfarb as he is much more comfortable in the company of money than other people. 

Artie is angry at just about everything and likes to tell you about it.  He brings you his mostly negative opinion on sports and other topics from time to time.  When he is not explaining how Jeb Lowrie could star in Deliverance, and Why Americans suck at soccer, he enjoys walking barefoot on grass and punching the Atlantic Ocean.  His arch nemesis is the rat-like Chad Pennington and he has an on-going feud with fellow sports writer and deep in the closet homosexual Rex Payne.  If you had not already guessed from his columns, Artie is from New England and his sports opinions tend to lean toward New England based sports topics.  Every couple weeks Artie will answer your questions in Artie's Answers, and if you have a question for Artie email him at editor@mindwafers.com.  Interested in hearing Artie bitch about something besides sports? Don't miss his Quick Hits and laugh at all the things he Hates to Love.

Every sports department needs their ex-jock, and with no other English speaking applicants, Rex got the job by default. Growing up the son of a coal miner in western PA, Rex learned early on that life was about hard work, drinking cheap beer, and being a bad ass. A top high school football recruit, Rex attended Ohio St. where they pegged him their linebacker of the future. 3 weeks into the school year Rex had broken an Economics teacher's jaw, driven a tractor into the dining hall, and been named as a person of interest in 3 separate sexual assault cases. In order to avoid NCAA drug testing, Payne enrolled at Division 3 Wilkesbury St. College where he finished as the leading tackler in Div. 3 history. There was talk about Payne potentially being drafted until his urine caused the testing machine at the combine to turn white hot and then explode into 1000 pieces, much like his quest for the NFL. Since playing a few years of semi-pro ball for the Scranton Foreskins, Rex Payne finds himself desperate and broke and lowering himself to a lowly columnist position on MinDwAferS.com. When he's not writing Rex is barenuckle boxing for $50 purses, then spending it all on KENO and Miller High Life. "I always make reservations for my KENO chair before the fight, cause I know I ain't losing. Ain't gonna happen partner." Rex may have made his name in football, but he also captained an intramural basketball team to 3 straight championship losses (mainly due to his many technical fouls), and currently is the 2nd DH for the Snarling Dragons of a men's over 30 softball league. Someone once asked Rex a question about soccer....I think that dude is still in the hospital. They say he'll never have kids....

With a degree from the world renowned Devry University, The Hamgurgler has been writing for the latter part of his life.  As a lifelong subscriber to Highlights magazine, he began his career submitting stories and articles to the publication at the age of 24.  After the editor at MinDwAferS discovered his piece on creating a jack-o-lantern mask out of a paper plate, he was recruited to be a full-time writer for the site.  Now he is banking on the success of the website to be able to quit his day job and finally move out of his parents basement.  When the 'Gurgler is not writing, he likes to scare kids, admire female profiles on Facebook, and eat chipwiches.  In other words, he's just your average Joe.

When not palling around with Ben Vereen and writing unpublished off-off Broadway musicals, Big Sus spends his days writing complaint letters to the FCC and meticulously filing away his Jethro Tull LP collection. Sus gained early exposure as editor/domain master of the website Boom, which consisted of stills of movies of boom mic slip-ups. His favorite movie is Don Juan DeMarco, if only because the bloated Marlon Brando reminds him of his grandmother. When greeting Sus on the street, please note he loves to start a conversation with the phrase "trust, you, me." However, do not trust him by any means. 

A long lost something or other of famed author Jack Kerouac, Nutsie is a brash, 80s loving bufoon who watches 67 hours of cinema a week in order to win swoon bar cougars during trivia nights at local area Piccadily Pubs. Nutsie believes that movie-making glory peaked in the 80s and will defend the works of Spielberg, Hughes, and Zemeckis to the death. He also can't get off his couch to defend anyone because he currently weight a metric ton. Nutise's movie love can be found as he details the Greatest Movies Ever in the Entertainment section.

With a big "Fuck you, I just farted and it stinks" to the RIAA, Reverend P is a connoisuer of fine cooking sherrys, Baked Lays, and all musical stylings and genres. The good P has never met a band he doesn't like. Except Linkin Park because those guys are fags. With his whimiscal album reviews and reports on the current music scene, Reverend P preaches the gospel of what shalt and shalt not be downloadth.

Developed in the 1960s by NASA scientists, NewsBot3000 was initially designed to provide researchers with the most up to date readings on climate change. After the robot began harping incessantly about tax cuts and facts about the capital of Mauritania the scientists abandoned further development. Earlier this year the Mindwafers staff found NewsBot3000 at a yard sale in Billerica, Ma for $4.50. They refurbished the dusty robot and restored him to his glorious fame. NewsBot3000 has its own three rules of robotics programmed within. They are:


1) Deliver the latest breaking news in a fully biased manner.
2) Offend those of all politics, gender and social status.
3) Kill all competitors.


As a result of rule 3, Bobby James and Rod Pilf have been stationed in a separate part of Mindwafers headquarters.

Want to see your ugly mug in this spot? We're always searching for new talent here at MinDwAferS considering any given weekend could result with any of our writers' felony convictions, death, or being forced to flee to a country with limited internet access. If you want to show us what you got, add comments, comments, and more comments. Be sure to let us know who you are, and if you are funny/offensive enough, we will find a spot for you - I promise. Will you be the first to rise from the comments into an official MinDwAferist? Start flapping your gums - Why People Suck, News, Sports, Entertainment, Hate to Love, Quick Hits

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