Almost 10 years have passed and for fans of MTV's hilarious Andy Dick Show, yet sadly there is still no way to secure the series through DVD or Blu Ray. The Andy Dick Show only ran three seasons, but it was three seasons of absolute brilliancy on the part of Dick and his writing partners Gabe Miller & Jonathan Green (who went on to write for Letterman, the Wayne Brady Show, and the Cleveland Show.) Some of the sketches seem a bit outdated - Daphne Aguilera comes to mind, but at the time, teenybopper parody was all the rage - but the majority are still insanely funny and serve to display Dick's comic talents and skill at celebrity impression. His Tom Green impersonation is almost as good as the real Tom Green. I wish this show exists in some buy-able format so I could enjoy all 21 episodes, but unfortunately, the only clips that are available have to be hunted down via youtube and google videop search like a comedy scavenger hunt. While my all time sketch is probably the Fear TV show parody, I can't stop watching Kenny Drebson - the King of the Burn!



If. You. Don't. Know. How. To. Burn....You're gonna get burned!

MTV, please stop making Real World/Road Rules Challenges for one year and put this show out on DVD already.

-Reece
 
 
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No, Perez Hilton did not take over Mindwafers today. But seeing as it is September 2nd, 2010 - 9/02/10 for the layperson - I felt it was only natural to have this once every thousand year old date commiserate with highlights of one of mankind's greatest bad TV shows. For a 10 year run starting in 1990 and ending in 2000, the kids (29 year olds) at West Beverly High gave us a weekly helping of teen angst, social commentary, and more wacky sideburns and bright fashion statements than we ever thought possible. No show encapsulates the 90s more than Beverly Hills (except maybe Seinfeld) and no show had more unintentional comedy moments than Darren Star's baby about rich kids growing up in Hollywood. From the gunshots to the rapes to the car accidents and the house parties, from Dylan's goatee to Steve's male pattern baldness to Donna's virginity to Brenda's bitchiness, 90210 had all the bases covered. It was wonderfully bad TV, a true cult favorite, that survived cast changes, ratings slides, and its fans finally becoming old enough to realize, holy crap what am I watching? But I ain't hating, 90210. I grew up with you and some of your proudest moments I can look back on and laugh that this actually passed for dramatic television back in the glorious 90s.

We present to you, in tribute of 9/02/10, the best moments of 90210!



Ray Chucks Donna Martin Down the Stairs

There really wasn't a worse TV character than Donna Martin. And in recent years with all her tabloid fodder, Tori Spelling hasn't been much of an improvement over the wishy-washy teen princess she portrayed for 10 years - thanks to her father's producer role. With her terrible acting chops and her pressed meat pattie cleavage, she downgraded pretty much every 90210 episode where she was the featured story. Nothing gave this guy more pleasure than when Mr. How-Do-You-Talk-To-An-Angel country music star Ray Pruit aka Jamie Walters tossed her down a flight of stairs after a heated exchange of bitchiness...



Oh boy, I could watch that all day. Hey fun fact - Jamie Walters asked producers if he could leave the show in 1996 to pursue his musical career which started to take off after his unplayable single "How Do You Talk To An Angel?" (which actually reached #1 on the Billboard chart back then - for shame, America! For shame!) He left the show and fifteen years later, where is he? Um, he's a firefighter/paramedic in Los Angeles County. Awesome. I wonder if he throws fire victims down the stairs while trying to rescue them.

Dylan's Dad Blows Up

Yeah I know, he did come back like 8 years later for no reason but the scene still gets to me after all these years. Dylan and his dad fight, they make up, they sing "Take Me Out To the Ball Game", and then boom - one well placed bomb under his car and it's no more for Mr. McKay.
 
 
For this week's song of the week, we have a creeptastic showdown featuring two soon to be bullied youths whose parents are already saving up for future therapy bills. How to choose between the two? I can't. This is like Bird-Magic, like DeNiro-Pacino, like positive and negative. They are just two unstoppable forces, two runaway trains of child talent, two performances that would make the entertianment industry weep in jealousy.

In one corner....


And the challenger....


Don't make me choose!


 
Talkin Trailers 08/26/2010
 

Greetings, movie buffs and welcome to another edition of Talkin Trailers. Before we get to this week's slew of trailers, some movie news that I'm sure we make you cream in your popcorn boxes and $8 sodas:
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The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo has finally found its girl. Actress Rooney Mara, of the NY Giants football Mara family and star of the forgettable Nightmare On Elm Street remake, has won the most hotly contested role in Hollywood this year. She will play Lisbeth Salander alongside Daniel Craig in the Americanized versions of the Swedish trilogies. While Rooney is a bit of a babe in the woods in the acting world, with only a handful of roles under her belt, she has a chance to really leap forward if she can knock the role of uber hacker and current feminine icon Salander out of the park. Rooney beat out some of Hollywood's elite for the role, including Scarlett Johannsen, Natalie Portman, and Carey Mulligan (who I would have liked to see take this one home). So Rooney, good luck with one of the greatest literary characters of the 21st century. I personally don't know if she has the jaded look needed to breathe life into Salander (she seems too fresh-faced), but as a fan of the books and the Swedish movie adaptions, I am rooting for her. And hopefully this will keep her out of any Freddy sequels.


That being said, this is normally where we'd say "Let'ssssss go to the movies!" but we have special treat for our faithful Trailer followers today. Instead of movie trailers, we have three kick ass trailers for TV shows. Yes, that's right TV shows. What you don't think TV shows have trailers? Think again bub. So let'ssssssssssss, uh, go to the TV! Right.
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The Walking Dead (season premiere October 31st 2010 on AMC) is the first ever (I think) television series fully devoted to zombies. Zombies are the THING now, baby - fuck vampires. That was so 2009. With Brad Pitt's Plan B company optioning and working on bringing World War Z to the big screen, zombies are making a return to pop culture in a big way. I couldn't be happier. Zombieland was up for multiple Academy Awards last year, The Night of the Living Dead scared the holy beejsesus out of me when I was a kid, and Dawn of The Dead is one of my favorite re-watchable movies ever. Anytime that is on HBO or cable I am stuck on the couch until the film ends.

The Walking Dead, from Frank Darabont, who also helmed Shawshank Redemption, The Green Mile, The Majestic, and The Mist (my boy loves Stephen King) is your basic zombie tale. Some parts The Crazies, some parts 28 Days Later, most parts George A Romero, all rolled into a hour long drama. We begin by following Sheriff Rick Grimes (played by Brit actor Andrew Lincoln) who wakes up in an overrun hospital after being shot in the line of duty, and would you believe that, the town is swarming with the undead. Rick is all about finding his missing wife and child (aren't all zombie movie heroes?) and together, with a band of survivors, set out to trek across the infested countryside to escape the wraith of the zombies. How do they make out? Let's see....

Fantastic. Man I can't believe nobody has tried a zombie TV show before. I mean with all the absolute garbage that networks produce year after year, no one has thought - hey zombie movie usually kill with audiences, why not have a series where people just outrun zombies for like 4 seasons and 100 episodes? I would watch that. I will be watching The Walking Dead.

 
 
Tila Tequila attacked by juggalos
On a positive note, she didn't have to watch ICP perform
Occurring in some kind of weird vortex where two awful subcultures were mashed together, celebrity for a minute Tila Tequila was attacked while onstage at meathead fest "Gathering of the Juggalos" featuring equally terrible Insane Clown Posse. Apparently, Tequila was explaining how magnets worked when the crowd felt that she was siding with the 'dumbass scientists' that ICP member Shaggy Too Dope reviles so much. Then, while talking about light refraction in rainbows, the crowd started hurling rocks at the (singer? Stripper?) woman. 


I assume that the juggalos had a problem with Tila Tequila's attempts at a singing career. But I wonder how valid an opinion is from someone who paints their face like a down syndrome clown and sprays soda all over each other. 


Meanwhile, at the same event, rapper Method Man was also pelted with rocks and beer cans while he tried to perform his set. It seems that juggalos may actually be devolved humans who are displaying ape-like signs of aggression toward loud noises. No word yet on when the juggalos began hurling their feces toward the stage and began violently masturbating while picking mites out of each other's hair.


Here's the Meth video, a little better than the Tila Tequila version, which shows very little:
 
 
Eminem
Eminem ordering his customary preshow quadruple cheeseburger
Remember when Eminem first released The Marshall Mathers LP back in 2000? Coming off the deranged, but decent Slim Shady LP, it was a giant leap forward for the rapper. The tracks on there were hyperviolent and cartoonish, but also showed a complex personality that had more contempt for himself than anything else even though he claimed to hate everyone else. The rhyme schemes were prodigious and complicated as the man spitting them and the beats were some of the best that Dr. Dre ever committed to wax. I remember being a senior in high school and getting chills after the first time hearing "Stan." It was apparent from the first track "Kill You" that this was going to be a different experience. Here's a sample:
It was a short while after that when Eminem released The Eminem Show and my admiration for the rapper vanished. I'm not sure if it was the time away, the overexposure of Marshall Mathers or just the material, but I couldn't stand this album. His voice annoyed me, his complaints against his mother annoyed me, the beats grew stale. And let's not forget Eminem's attempt at singing, an awful little ditty directed towards his daughter, who is probably embarrassed about it at this point.


Then of course, Eminem released Encore, which lost most of his fans and sent the rapper into exile for a few years where he apparently ate every member of D12 along with thousands of Vicodins. After the release of Encore, which Eminem has since bashed himself, the rapper did something we should all be proud of: he got sober. I feel happy for the guy, I really do. Drug addiction is no joke and judging from his lyrics, Eminem had it pretty bad. However, with sobriety comes another uncomfortable fact. We've seen it with Aerosmith, Eric Clapton and any other musician who sobered up before they kicked the bucket; their music becomes awful. While drug addictions have killed a ton of musicians, nothing kills good music more than sobriety, and the new and improved Eminem is further testament to that fact.
 
 
Billy Mitchell hot sauce
Guaranteed to give you diarrhea of the douche
In case you were keeping score, Billy Mitchell, star of the hilarious documentary The King of Kong, has reclaimed the title of highest score of Donkey Kong. Why do people compete at a game that's about 30 years old and no one cares about? We have no idea but the subculture is pretty funny in their intensity and their belief that they're doing something important (kind of like the writer at Mindwafers). 


Mitchell topped the record books by scoring 1,270,900 points, beating out the former record holder Hank Chien by only 1,100 points. Not content to just sit on his laurels, Mitchell went on to set the record for Donkey Kong Jr. because he had "something else to take care of" and it wasn't cleaning up spilled vaseline off of his mother's couch.


In The King of Kong, Mitchell is seen battling for the record with quiet math teacher Steve Wiebe, who ends up beating Mitchell in the film. However, soon after the film was released, Mitchell reclaimed the throne because, hey, what else has the guy got?


What's so interesting about Mitchell you ask? Why are we writing about this? Well, Billy Mitchell happens to be one of the least likable people in history in a very, 'is this guy for real' way. Here's a glimpse of Mitchell at his douchiest:
-Big Sus
 
Talkin Trailers 08/13/2010
 

Welcome back to a brand new "I Hope This Doesn't Get Deleted By The Mindwafers Staff" edition of Talkin Trailers. A hot slew of new summer movies are dropping hot loads in the hair of movie-goers everywhere, but before we get to this week's trailers, some quick love for this week's The Expendables, featuring every single action star every born ever. The Arnold-Stallone-Willis.Mickey Rourke-Terry Crews-Jet Li-Jason Statham-Dolph Lundgren-Eric Roberts-Randy Couture-Stone Cold-no chicks- just-explosions vehicle hits theaters today. We have already featured the trailer here at Talkin Trailers, but this new trailer, with a couple reviews tossed in, just made the biggest kick ass rollercoaster movie ride this summer even rollercoastier. Um, right.

Anyway, check out this quick TV spot and be warned, you may "man-gasm":


Badass-ery on some many levels. I don't even care that this movie's plot will probably be as thin as the Olsen twins. This movie is going to rock. And in case you were the fence about the whole Expendables thing:

-Sylvester Stallone's character is named Barney. Mickey Rourke's character is named Tool.
- There are only 3 women labeled in the casting and they all have huge boobs.
-There is a Rocky IV rematch between Dolph and Stallone.
-According to reviews, the last 20 minutes are nothing but explosions.

If that didn't just make your penis move, you are action-movie dead inside. With that said,
 
Let'sssssssssssssssssss go to the movies!
 
 
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A Special Entertainment Report By Reece


Thanks to my girlfriend's insatiable appetite for E! television, total fucking bitch supermodel Naomi Campbell has been all over my tube lately. At first I thought she had thrown another shoe at a bell hop or slapped a waiter but turns out the world's most infamous British supermodel is at the center of a pretty compelling war crimes tribunal against former Liberian president Charles Taylor. Campbell, who has since retired from the catwalk to focus exclusively on getting arrested and assaulting us common folk, has been accused of accepting a "blood diamond" from Taylor back in 1997 at a charity dinner hosted by, of all people, Nelson Mandela. Weird place to kick off a war crimes trial. Throughout the week, this thing has gotten zanier and zanier. Mindwafers takes note whenever hot chicks, war criminals, Woody Allen, and the United Nations gets involved, so without further adue, Mindwafers presents

A Guide To the Naomi Campbell Trial

What exactly is going on?

Well, Charles Taylor was the former President of Liberia (not to be confused with Libya, who Doc Brown stole nuclear material from at the beginning of Back To The Future and who came after him in a Volkswagan Bus with a bazooka), who has been accused of horrific war crimes in regards to the Sierra Leone Civil War in 1991. He is actually the one standing trial, accused of backing the Revolutionary United Front, the rebel army fighting the government, by sending weapons and supplies in exchange for diamonds from the war-torn nation. If you saw DiCapirio's "Blood Diamond" you know what we're talking about - hundreds of prisoners forced to mine for diamonds 18 hours a day in deplorable conditions with the constant threat of murder and mutilation. He is also accused of child soliders recruitment and in aiding the RUF commit atrocities in Sierra Leone against civilians, including extermination, rape, and genocide. He has been accused of personally directing some of those operations. Great guy. Kind of shits on the name Chuck Taylor. Of course, he denies it all, and his defense team has been calling into question the authencity of the reports from Sierra Leone.

What's the deal with this guy?

Taylor has also been accused of ordering human sacrifices, encouraging his soldiers to machete pregnant women open to guess the sex of the baby, and forcing canninbalism on his own soldiers to frighten the enemy. Hard to believe that such a despicable human could have ever spent some time in the States as a kid, right? Oh wait, that's a given. Charles Taylor actually attended college in the US, at - get this - Massachusetts' own Bentley College! The pride of Waltham, baby. It just proves my theory - every dude you ever met that went to Bentley is a chod. Or a worldwide mass murderer.

How did Naomi Campbell get involved with the war crimes trial?

Among the atrocities that Taylor has been accused of is profitting from blood diamonds in Sierra Leone. His defense vehemently denies this, they are all, No way, Taylor never took any blood diamonds from anyone. So the prosecutor for the Special Court says "Boom, I can prove it. In 1997, Charles Taylor presented supermodel Naomi Campbell with dirty looking stones at an African charity dinner." And faster than you can say, I'm too sexy for the catwalk," Campbell is testifying before the tribunal. She is actually a key witness for the prosecution to prove that blood diamonds were in the possession of Taylor and his cohorts, although she is doing her damndest to fuck up the entire proceeding by denying and acting like a complete twat about the whole procedure.

Wait, is she really being an absolute cunt about everything?

Of course! This is Naomi Campbell for Chrissakes. She is a walking asshole. Refusing to answer any question about what she did or did not receive, she's walked out on interviews and lent her slapping ways to a few cameras that have had the balls to focus on her face during an interview! My God!

 
 
Imam Muda
Mustafa delivers a stirring rendition of Katy Perry's 'California Girls'

Just when you thought they had run out of ideas for reality TV, the Muslim world gives us a huge wag of the pious finger.


A new reality series premiered on Malaysian TV which pits a group of competitors in the ring to see who can be the best imam. Think of American Idol if instead of singing, the participants battled to see who can deliver the best Great Satan speech. Some of the events on Imam Muda include reciting the Koran (obviously), counseling wayward youth and helping elderly who were abandoned by their children. But the main event is one that's been begging to be televised for year: preparing a corpse for proper burial. Rather than a recording contract, the winner gets, you guessed it, a chance to be a big league imam and gets sent to Saudi Arabia to study as well as a free ticket to Mecca. Score! 


I don't know about you, but I would kill to see Ellen dishing out wisecracks while a contestant accidentally uses hot sauce instead of embalming fluid or Simon Cowell crowing that those Koran verses were "uninspired and lifeless." 

Check out the opening of the first episdoe of Imam Muda.
-Big Sus